I`ve just got home from spending 3 hours at the hairdressers and I don`t know whether to laugh or cry.
The women that looks back at me doesn`t look like me at all.
She has dark brunette hair. Not the usual blonde that I`ve had for the last 47 years and
I feel a bit disorientated, out of kilter.
I feel like driving back to the hairdressers and screaming at her `what the hell have you done…where have I gone`?
I want to demand to have my hair redone. Can`t she see how awful this new colour is? Besides, it just doesn`t feel right It`s not me.
But part of me is quietly chuckling and laughing.
You see, I tell myself on a daily basis and anyone else who cares to listen, that I don`t define myself by my appearance any more.
In other words, I no longer look for approval outside of myself to know that I`m ok. That I`m enough.
It works beautifully – most of the time – because it re-centres me. It helps me to remember who I am. The real me, my essence, my spirit.
I kind of feel like the universe has sent me a message, just to check me out and see if I`m really living this truth, or just full of shit.
So I can`t quite believe it. Me who has spent such a huge part of my life worrying or hating how I look – is actually having a chuckle over looking less than perfect!
And the reason I`m chuckling is because I feel like yelling `Hell yes, I truly am no longer defined, just by how I look!!
Because had this happened a few years ago, having ugly hair would have sent me into a spiral of horrible, bitchy, mean self talk. `You`ve always been ugly- now the truth is out- who were you kidding to think you could look sexy or attractive – no-one is going to notice you anyway`….blah blah blah.
I`d feel so terrible and 100% believe that harsh inner voice, I`d be stuffing myself with food in a flash.
Having horrible hair or horrible skin or horrible clothes bought up the same feelings I`d have when looking in the mirror and seeing a pot tummy, chubby thighs and a generous butt.
The feelings of never being enough, pretty enough, or slim enough. Me, as me, was never enough.
Back then I didn`t know the beautiful, real me – my essence, my spirit – who is lovely and loving no matter how she looks, what she has, or what she does. The critical, mean self talk was who I identified with, listened to and believed.
We all have this unconditional love within us and it has no requirements. It`s not based on anything outside of you.
This love knows that right now, right in this very moment, you are perfect in your imperfection. You are gorgeous within your own loveliness. You are enough.
Whether we`re blonde, brunette, chubby, slim, pretty or unattractive…it doesn`t matter, because we are more than our appearance.